Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Dr. Wordwielder Auditions

Good evening, fine ladies and gentlemen. It is my extreme pleasure to greet you with a story of a fine audition of which I was a participant. Having taken leading Shakespearean roles on stage on occasion as well as having been on tour in a speaking circuit, I only felt it fitting that I once again take to the platform when I heard the musical director of a local church calling for potential participants for the church worship team. I've never done such a thing before but being a proper gentleman desirous of aiding my fellow man, the idea had begun to take root in my heart.

Why, a distinguished professor such as myself, must surely lend assistance to a young chap in his attempts to lead a fledgling flock into green pastures of refined music. At the very least, I wished to influence the clarity of annunciation as I have been noticing the lack thereof in music of a popular persuasion on the Christian radio networks and churches across the country (this chap's choir being much improved over the general public, but one can always improve one's craft, mind you.) It has been my opinion that the quality of music and the quantity of musical training has been gradually degrading itself here over the years since I first arrived here from England. Musicians and vocalists in this day and age do not proceed through the necessary educational rigors that musicians once endured for the quality of their craft. At times, it seems that any old chump might produce a recording and succeed at entering a competition such as the scandalous show on American Televisions which might make an idol out of an ignoramus. But alas, I am over-ruled by the general populace who passes over a musical genius to award recording contracts to a novice. But then again, what do I know? I'm merely a purveyor of prose with an acute aspiration for excellence in all functions of speech, whether they be spoken, musical or written.

A friend of Ms. BeckyJoie's is airing a chat show tomorrow upon the exact topic and desires that you join her and her debonair listeners to discuss the importance of communicating through the language of music. I do believe that our hostess has placed an advert on the side of her blog page so that we might click on it to arrive at the chat show destiny.

But first, I must say that I hope the readers will keep an astute mind about such a matter since so much sensitivity surely surrounds this volatile subject. For example, my very presence at the afore-mentioned audition was greeted with a cold shoulder and a bit of bossiness by the younger set this evening. I suppose that the pronunciation of vowels and consonants in that particular genre of music is quite uncommon these days. But it was my desire to set a sterling standard for symbolic citation by the supervisor of the ensemble for coming contestants over the course of time.

The choral director smiled like a Cheshire cat after I obliged him with a masterful performance of a melismatic segment of Handel's Messiah that I used to deliver to the masses in my voice studies in college. He seemed pleased to make my acquaintance and I have to admit that I've not met a young chap of his caliber in at least a decade or two. I suppose that I shall be called upon to aid him in polishing up the vocals in his Sunday ensemble, but if not, I had a dashing time of it, being back on stage.

I did have one minor problem, though, as my old bones climbed up the stairs to the platform. My trousers were a bit too stiff from all the starch that I had by error, dropped into my laundry last week, when my bifocals had become fogged up by the steam of the rising water in the washing machine. I had a mite of difficulty bending at the knee and began to loose my balance somewhat. Fortunately, I reached for a nearby microphone stand and righted myself pretty quickly, though it did coincide with some squeals and squeaks coming from one of the speakers. The modern conveniences have their advantages but oft can be a smidgen cantankerous from time to time. I do believe, though, that we ironed out the matter significantly by the time I recovered the microphone to sound my resonant tones. When the audition ended, I discovered that I had, in my haste to arrive at the house of worship, forgotten to imbibe a spot of iced tea and to ingest the cold cucumber sandwich that I had prepared to eat along the way. So, I strolled out on the grounds to find a shady limb under which to place myself. After devouring the delightful dinner, I rested for a while, and then climbed into my Mini Cooper and proceeded here for our weekly lesson. Along the drive, I admired the brilliant finish of the paint job I recently had re-touched, reflecting specks of the British racing green across the cabriolet and glistening like sparks of glitter in the setting sun rays. I arrived here safely and tucked my automobile under cover for the remainder of the night as the Oakes have generously offered the use of their guest room this week because of my previous mishaps late at night in the Florida rain storms.

I am grateful once again for your faithfulness to attend my online classes and for Ms. BeckyJoie who so graciously offers her blog every week. I could not imagine trying to circumnavigate the world wide web in order to create a blog for myself. I once attempted the evil feat and became maddeningly overwhelmed. Thus, I shall leave the technological triumphs to another more adept while I shall continue to bring the excellence in accelerated English eloquence.

Speaking of the art of eloquence, I have been unable to shake the impression of the English Rose whose voice attracted my attention last week. I was transported, whether in reality or my thoughts, from my presence at the Barnes and Noble Book Sellers Establishment to the celestial realms where she seemed to naturally find her place in a blanket of brilliant light. The sound of her voice echoed through it like an opera singer at Carnegie Hall. Though I never had the pleasure of viewing her angelic countenance, I am quite certain that her radiance must be of no equal comparison. Might I have known her from another realm or from my place of origin? Only time will tell but I have not been able to erase her memory from my mind. But I shall try, for it is only once in a lifetime that one meets a lady with such enchanting elocution and it is unlikely that I shall be able to be graced by her presence again, save some miraculous intervention. So, I shan't indulge in the monotony of the retelling of the saga but thus, proceed to this week's agenda at Rather Be Writing.

For today's lesson, we shall answer the following questions. Feel free to leave your own comments and suggestions in the box below marked "comments".

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. The magnificent model of feminine pulchritude made her way across the green to browse the tables at the ( a. flee, or b. flea) market. Choose one.

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. When writing descriptive lines in poetry or prose, one must not ( a. overplay one's hand or b. over-egg the pudding). Choose one.

3. Wise or Wacky Words. The word is affable. Does it mean: a. easy to speak to and gracious OR b. the after effects of laughing.

4. Cute or Comical Coinage. Kiss gate. This term is used quite frequently in England where I lived as a young fellow in my preparatory school days. The Kiss Gate was designed to prevent animals from escaping or entering a location and it consisted of a half door that only one person at a time could pass through, usually, the gentleman would enter first and offer to help the ladies afterward. Often my chums would make their boast about preventing the young ladies from moseying through unless they had first offered a kiss. Of course, I never attempted this with the ladies as I ne'er wished to receive the brunt of their brolly upon my head but some chaps may have succeeded.

NOTE: I shall add two more categories for this week alone and they may appear again at random. This shall serve to keep the readers alert and searching for new words to leave in the comment box.

5. Spelling Slips. Which spelling is correct for the following word: a. nucular OR b. nuclear ?

6. Pun Fun. I had found my true soulmate. She and I were both wearing British shoes.
Now, my friends it is your turn. Try your hand at the examination. It is an open book test, so retrieve your dictionary and thesaurus and search away. Don't forget to leave your answers for the rest of us to view in the comments department. Also, leave us a link to follow you back to your weblog or post. In that way, we can find you more easily. I shall post the answer in the next couple of days.
Cherio, my chums!


JoJo Tabares said...

1. Flea (although in this heat I'd flee!

2. a. overplay one's hand

3. a. easy to speak to and gracious

5. a. nucular only if you happen to be Former President Bush. b. nuclear is correct.

6. I don't know if this counts, but I've been calling my state "Aridzona" for obvious reasons.

Spitfire said...

Dr., here are my answers to your quiz.I hope I live up to your prodigious standards.
1. b flea (there's plenty of them here in Texas and not just at markets! Although my son wants to know why anyone would WANT to buy a flea...sigh.)
2. a overplay one's hand
3. a. easy to speak to and gracious, like Becky Joie. (smile)
4. Kissgate could be either cute or comical depending on the situation and who's involved...Grin
5. b. nuclear
6. I always tell people I 'whisper in their ears' when really I'm yelling at them....but then I have no voice and it comes out sounding like a whisper. So it's a play on words and a method to allow folks to realize it's normal for me and not a reason to pity me or yell at me like I'm deaf or something.

Hope your audition was productive and that the young man in charge is able to use your excellent services. Shalom, Spitfire