Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Dr. Wordweilder's Communcation Carol

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Dr. William Wordweilder here.

This has been a wonderfully productive week for me. The majority of students in my classes at the university are adjusting well to their routines and schedules. In doing so, they make our time together work like finely-oiled machinary. Their wise use of study time frees me from having to round up late papers and reports from the students. I am abundantly proud of them. They are putting forth a great effort to learn the materials and become excellent users of English grammar and speech.

I would also like to give a word of appreciation to Ms. JoJo Tabares, a regular web log commenter here at Rather Be Writing. Not only does she ace the examinations the majority of the time but also she is owed gratitude for offering her talk show contest participants a copy of her book, FIMMology 101, the FIMMportant and Funbelievable Study of the Humorous Sins of the Mouth. Ms. BeckyJoie participated in the game show that Ms. JoJo held at Communication Comedy Network and just for participating, won a free copy of the ebook.

I must admit to difficulty adjusting to the idea of a book that is read in an electronic format. I made it apparent to Ms. BeckyJoie who then printed it for me to have in hand. She did ask that I return it after a brief look and purchase my own copy so as not to infringe on copyright laws. (You can do the same by clicking on the side link of this blog that is titled Communication FUNdamentals.) Ms.BeckyJoie has spoken to me of its superiority for applying humor to teach appropriate communication skills. It was her thought that I might be interested in using it at the university. And that, I just might. Nevertheless, I would like to provide you with a brief review of FIMMOLOGY 101.

First of all, Mr. FIMM has a very handsome name—Franklin Ignatius McMiller Possible but he soon earned the nickname of FIMM, the Foot in Mouth Man. I shan’t spoil the story by divulging too many details but suffice it to say that FIMM has a reputation like none other.

After a brief introduction, the ebook takes the reader along on a ride similar to that which Charles Dickens’ character, Ebenezer Scrooge, took with the spirits of Christmas past, present and future. The author, Ms. Communicator (JoJo) herself took me on a tour of FIMM’s many faux pas from birth to his mature years.

First, FIMM loses his source of employment at Balfurd Cleaners because of appearing to have a dirty mouth. (Never you fret, my friends, things are not always as they appear. After a bit, we discover that all that does not glitter on his sign is not fifth, but some poorly placed words. )

After this, FIMM cleans up for a job interview and makes his resume elaborate. In fact, he elaborates so much that I sincerely doubt that the manager receiving his resume has any questions whatsoever to ask him.

FIMM does eventually obtain employment but not without contorting like a yogi first (Foot In Mouth). I must say that I agree with Ms. BeckyJoie’s husband, Douglas, who believes that FIMM must have chocolate feet. He is always inserting them into his mouth.

Next, FIMM finds himself in a mite of legal trouble but manages to fudge his way out of it—barely—and just in time to change residences. First, though, he has to sell his dog without scaring off all the neighborhood children. A dog like his would not be allowed in his new place of abode.

The ebook shares quite a variety of snapshots of FIMM’s life from his single adulthood to dating dilemmas and church volunteer work, right up through his marriage, even giving a glimpse of the family man that FIMM has always wanted to be. This is where I find FIMM most relatable.

I’ve been a bachelor all these many years and must confess that I do so long for holidays with loved ones as FIMM finally finds. His many years of searching were eventually satisfied, which is more than I could say for myself who I think an old codger set in my ways. (I determined an eon ago that I would settle for nothing but the best. Being married to a poor communicator would be the bane of my existence. But the woman of my dreams is a figment of my imagination, I suppose. Why, she would be lovely and well spoken, a bit more flamboyant than I, since I’m what many might consider to be a boring professor.

She must bring a little spark of color and comfort to the home and yet, still accommodate my stacks of research without resenting the small areas of clutter. I am neat nick for the most part. My books are alphabetized, my closet already arranged by color and my shoes lined in neat rows on the floor beneath the hanging clothes. But my library—well, it is clean and orderly other than banquet tables assigned with works in progress, and, of course, some of the books that I consult on a frequent basis never make it back onto the dusty bookshelves. And the Mrs.—well, she would need to turn a deaf ear to my external processing of information during research AND to the oral reading of my own manuscripts. I’ve heard that one ought to read his or her own manuscripts aloud in order to make sure the flow is natural for the reader or for dialogue.)

Well, here I go again on a rabbit trail. It’s just that I feel in my heart that my future wife is out there, somewhere wandering and looking for her soul mate but cannot find me because I am buried deeply in my work. Not many women turn my head. But one, a red head I think, wearing a velvet hat and gloves breezed past me one day when I was at the booksellers establishment looking over a published magazine article of mine. Her voice sent shivers down my spine and I had to raise my head to see whom this eloquent and elegant lady might be. But like an angel, she was gone in an instant, as if appearing with an iridescent corona and then vanishing into thin air. She had a familiar accent, as if I had known her in another time and another place and yet she was estranged from me.

My friends, please accept my sincere apologies. It appears that I have been sidetracked by a daydream once again. My intention is neither to gain sympathy nor to lead you to conclude that I am unhappy as a single adult. No, it is merely that I have found FIMM relatable and sympathize with his years of “single-itude” . I shall have to pay closer attention to how he overcame this malady (though I think singlehood a gift at times).

Alas, you shall have to purchase a copy of his adventures at Ms. JoJo’s website at Art of Eloquence, in order to read about his travels on the road of life. His story has been told and continues. My biography is yet to be written, even at this age. I’m a youth at heart-at least like a youth who lived in the fifties. Anyway, you didn’t come to hear all that; you have come to take the examination.

I decided to assist readers in winning a prize by giving some them options for participating in the quiz. In a few weeks, there will be a prize for the most faithful examinee. There will also be an award for all those who participate. Return again for the next four weeks to join in and have a chance to win the prize. The winner will not only receive a free blog or business advertisement on Ms. BeckyJoie’s blog, but also a small token of appreciation that writers and word-lovers of all kinds will enjoy.

I am certain that you will want to take up the pen and begin now so here are this week’s questions. Don’t forget to leave blog comments.

1.Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. Select the correct homonym. They are hectic when used improperly and helpful when fitly used.
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: The students who wish to attend my lectures but live too far away may send (a. Correspondents OR b. Correspondence) along with a SASE requesting the lessons be sent to them weekly.

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. One feels like an idiot unless he or she uses these idioms correctly.
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: The young man who “cried wolf” too many times could not get anyone to believe him when he was in real trouble demonstrates that:
(a. Chickens always come home to roost OR b. he was a cold fish.)

3. Wise or Wacky Words. Sometimes I shall share a wise word for your use. At other times, it shall be a strange or wacky word that you, the readers shall help to define.
THIS WEEK'S WORD. This word is of Yiddish Origin. Glitch or Glitsh. Usage. A well-prepared lesson and presentation should proceed without a glitch.
This word means to “skip” or “nose dive”. Americans have adapted this word into everyday vocabulary.

4. Comical or Cute Coinage. Step one. Terms that I find cute or comical. Step two; you share a word that you find fitting in either category as well. We shall sharpen each other’s intellect.
THIS WEEK'S WORD. Inblogtrinated. The act of being persuaded that social media is an excellent means of communicating ideas and promoting business. USAGE: Though I prefer to write with pen and notepaper or an old fashioned typewriter, I’ve become inblogtrinated into the modern ways of writing and publishing.

5. Spelling Slips. This shall include words that are commonly misspelled. You will need to select the correct spelling.
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: The children’s church song lyrics for “I’m in the Lord’s Army” say that “I may never ride in a (a. calvary OR b. cavalry.)”

6. Pun Fun. Here I shall share a pun and I would like you to share one also.
THIS WEEK'S PUN-LINER. If you dispose of an old chalkboard sponge are you ex-sponging (expunging)?

Send in your puns, coined phrases and answers to the exam. Ms. JoJo’s friend, FIM uses some great puns. For instance, he frequently catches athlete’s tongue by sticking his foot in his mouth. Let’s see if you can send in some puns this week.

In fact, I’m going to make it easy for you all this week and allow you to choose two of these questions to answer on this week’s examination. I shall extend free credit for the unanswered questions if a new quizzer will answer only two of the questions. I shall look forward to reading your witty answers very soon.


JoJo Tabares said...

So glad you enjoyed FIMMology 101 Dr. Wordweilder! Here are my answers:

1. b. Correspondence
2. a. Chickens always come home to roost
3. I didn't know glitch was a Yiddish word. Thanks.
4. I love Inblogtrinated!! How about Insomniated? The act of being transformed into an insomniac.
5. I don't know that song, but my guess is b. cavalry. Cavalry is the army on horseback.
6. Yup. FIMM (Foot in Mouth Man) sticks his foot in his mouth so often he has Athlete's Tongue. I also say he does so for your amusement and confusement.

BeckyJoie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BeckyJoie said...

Ms. JoJo, you are always an A student.

--Dr. Wordwielder.