Dr. Wordweilder Wonders

Dr. Wordwielder here with our weekly word and grammar exercises, an evening late, of course, because last evening I was tied up with grading papers at the university. I do hope you will forgive me and that everyone has been studying their dictionaries and thesauruses in my absence.

It has come to my attention that very few are actually answering the examination questions on this web log and so, I would like to ask a few simple questions to determine if I am gearing my tests to the general audience age and ability levels or whether I shall need to adjust the questions accordingly. What is it that Ms. JoJo Tabares says on her show? Oh, yes! "Know your audience." I affirm the veracity of that principle.

So, today before I post our usual questions, let me post the following questions. Perhaps this will provoke some new or returning readers to take a chance on answering for the first time.

You may feel free to either answer via the comment box at the end of this post or email Ms. BeckyJoie at rjeremiah2911@embarqmail.com . Mark the subject line "Dr. William Wordwielder's Survey," please. Another way you can contact me is to write to: RATHER BE WRITING, P.O. Box 1183, Tavares, FL 32778-1183. Address the letter inside to Dr. William Wordwielder c/o BeckyJoie. Thank you.

Answer the following questions either in a comment or a three by five card.

1. What age category are you in?

a. elementary school b. secondary school (6-12th grades) c. college and career age

d. retired e. parent or educator


2. Which part of my weekly posts do you enjoy the most?

a. the story b. the examination questions c. just reading both d. reading both and answering

3. What types of writing do you wish to hear more instruction about?

a. magazine or non-fiction b. poetry c. fiction d. other genre (name it)

4. In what state or country are you located?

a. U.S. if so, tell the specific state b. Canada c. Another country.

5. What do you find the most challenging about writing and language?

6. What do you find the most interesting about writing and language?

Since I have asked you so many extra questions, I shall only ask two of our usual exam questions in the event that I might have some participants who wish to answer both sets of questions.

Here they are:

1.Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. Select the correct homonym. They are hectic when used improperly and helpful when fitly used.
THIS WEEK'S HOMONYM: The library aide climbed the ___________ a. ladder or b. latter (choose one) to retrieve Webster's Collegiate Dictionary from the top shelf in the resource room.

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. One feels like an idiot unless he or she uses these idioms correctly.
THIS WEEK'S IDIOM QUESTION: Because Wilbur wanted to be popular, he competed to prove he could do as well as anybody else in everything he did. Unfortunately, his_____________________ a. one track mind or b. one-upmanship (choose one) backfired on him and he lost all of his friends.

Answer the second set of questions in the comment box at the end of this post AND please answer the first set of questions via comment, email or regular mail. I shall return later to tell you who answered the most correctly. Don't forget, there is a prize in a few weeks for the reader who answers the most questions and for those who participate. Thank you.

Dr. Wordweilder will return tomorrow. He was delayed at the university-grading papers. :>) He asked me to send his apologies.

Dr. Wordweilder's Communcation Carol

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Dr. William Wordweilder here.

This has been a wonderfully productive week for me. The majority of students in my classes at the university are adjusting well to their routines and schedules. In doing so, they make our time together work like finely-oiled machinary. Their wise use of study time frees me from having to round up late papers and reports from the students. I am abundantly proud of them. They are putting forth a great effort to learn the materials and become excellent users of English grammar and speech.

I would also like to give a word of appreciation to Ms. JoJo Tabares, a regular web log commenter here at Rather Be Writing. Not only does she ace the examinations the majority of the time but also she is owed gratitude for offering her talk show contest participants a copy of her book, FIMMology 101, the FIMMportant and Funbelievable Study of the Humorous Sins of the Mouth. Ms. BeckyJoie participated in the game show that Ms. JoJo held at Communication Comedy Network and just for participating, won a free copy of the ebook.

I must admit to difficulty adjusting to the idea of a book that is read in an electronic format. I made it apparent to Ms. BeckyJoie who then printed it for me to have in hand. She did ask that I return it after a brief look and purchase my own copy so as not to infringe on copyright laws. (You can do the same by clicking on the side link of this blog that is titled Communication FUNdamentals.) Ms.BeckyJoie has spoken to me of its superiority for applying humor to teach appropriate communication skills. It was her thought that I might be interested in using it at the university. And that, I just might. Nevertheless, I would like to provide you with a brief review of FIMMOLOGY 101.

First of all, Mr. FIMM has a very handsome name—Franklin Ignatius McMiller Possible but he soon earned the nickname of FIMM, the Foot in Mouth Man. I shan’t spoil the story by divulging too many details but suffice it to say that FIMM has a reputation like none other.

After a brief introduction, the ebook takes the reader along on a ride similar to that which Charles Dickens’ character, Ebenezer Scrooge, took with the spirits of Christmas past, present and future. The author, Ms. Communicator (JoJo) herself took me on a tour of FIMM’s many faux pas from birth to his mature years.

First, FIMM loses his source of employment at Balfurd Cleaners because of appearing to have a dirty mouth. (Never you fret, my friends, things are not always as they appear. After a bit, we discover that all that does not glitter on his sign is not fifth, but some poorly placed words. )

After this, FIMM cleans up for a job interview and makes his resume elaborate. In fact, he elaborates so much that I sincerely doubt that the manager receiving his resume has any questions whatsoever to ask him.

FIMM does eventually obtain employment but not without contorting like a yogi first (Foot In Mouth). I must say that I agree with Ms. BeckyJoie’s husband, Douglas, who believes that FIMM must have chocolate feet. He is always inserting them into his mouth.

Next, FIMM finds himself in a mite of legal trouble but manages to fudge his way out of it—barely—and just in time to change residences. First, though, he has to sell his dog without scaring off all the neighborhood children. A dog like his would not be allowed in his new place of abode.

The ebook shares quite a variety of snapshots of FIMM’s life from his single adulthood to dating dilemmas and church volunteer work, right up through his marriage, even giving a glimpse of the family man that FIMM has always wanted to be. This is where I find FIMM most relatable.

I’ve been a bachelor all these many years and must confess that I do so long for holidays with loved ones as FIMM finally finds. His many years of searching were eventually satisfied, which is more than I could say for myself who I think an old codger set in my ways. (I determined an eon ago that I would settle for nothing but the best. Being married to a poor communicator would be the bane of my existence. But the woman of my dreams is a figment of my imagination, I suppose. Why, she would be lovely and well spoken, a bit more flamboyant than I, since I’m what many might consider to be a boring professor.

She must bring a little spark of color and comfort to the home and yet, still accommodate my stacks of research without resenting the small areas of clutter. I am neat nick for the most part. My books are alphabetized, my closet already arranged by color and my shoes lined in neat rows on the floor beneath the hanging clothes. But my library—well, it is clean and orderly other than banquet tables assigned with works in progress, and, of course, some of the books that I consult on a frequent basis never make it back onto the dusty bookshelves. And the Mrs.—well, she would need to turn a deaf ear to my external processing of information during research AND to the oral reading of my own manuscripts. I’ve heard that one ought to read his or her own manuscripts aloud in order to make sure the flow is natural for the reader or for dialogue.)

Well, here I go again on a rabbit trail. It’s just that I feel in my heart that my future wife is out there, somewhere wandering and looking for her soul mate but cannot find me because I am buried deeply in my work. Not many women turn my head. But one, a red head I think, wearing a velvet hat and gloves breezed past me one day when I was at the booksellers establishment looking over a published magazine article of mine. Her voice sent shivers down my spine and I had to raise my head to see whom this eloquent and elegant lady might be. But like an angel, she was gone in an instant, as if appearing with an iridescent corona and then vanishing into thin air. She had a familiar accent, as if I had known her in another time and another place and yet she was estranged from me.

My friends, please accept my sincere apologies. It appears that I have been sidetracked by a daydream once again. My intention is neither to gain sympathy nor to lead you to conclude that I am unhappy as a single adult. No, it is merely that I have found FIMM relatable and sympathize with his years of “single-itude” . I shall have to pay closer attention to how he overcame this malady (though I think singlehood a gift at times).


Alas, you shall have to purchase a copy of his adventures at Ms. JoJo’s website at Art of Eloquence, in order to read about his travels on the road of life. His story has been told and continues. My biography is yet to be written, even at this age. I’m a youth at heart-at least like a youth who lived in the fifties. Anyway, you didn’t come to hear all that; you have come to take the examination.

I decided to assist readers in winning a prize by giving some them options for participating in the quiz. In a few weeks, there will be a prize for the most faithful examinee. There will also be an award for all those who participate. Return again for the next four weeks to join in and have a chance to win the prize. The winner will not only receive a free blog or business advertisement on Ms. BeckyJoie’s blog, but also a small token of appreciation that writers and word-lovers of all kinds will enjoy.

I am certain that you will want to take up the pen and begin now so here are this week’s questions. Don’t forget to leave blog comments.

1.Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. Select the correct homonym. They are hectic when used improperly and helpful when fitly used.
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: The students who wish to attend my lectures but live too far away may send (a. Correspondents OR b. Correspondence) along with a SASE requesting the lessons be sent to them weekly.

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. One feels like an idiot unless he or she uses these idioms correctly.
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: The young man who “cried wolf” too many times could not get anyone to believe him when he was in real trouble demonstrates that:
(a. Chickens always come home to roost OR b. he was a cold fish.)

3. Wise or Wacky Words. Sometimes I shall share a wise word for your use. At other times, it shall be a strange or wacky word that you, the readers shall help to define.
THIS WEEK'S WORD. This word is of Yiddish Origin. Glitch or Glitsh. Usage. A well-prepared lesson and presentation should proceed without a glitch.
This word means to “skip” or “nose dive”. Americans have adapted this word into everyday vocabulary.

4. Comical or Cute Coinage. Step one. Terms that I find cute or comical. Step two; you share a word that you find fitting in either category as well. We shall sharpen each other’s intellect.
THIS WEEK'S WORD. Inblogtrinated. The act of being persuaded that social media is an excellent means of communicating ideas and promoting business. USAGE: Though I prefer to write with pen and notepaper or an old fashioned typewriter, I’ve become inblogtrinated into the modern ways of writing and publishing.

5. Spelling Slips. This shall include words that are commonly misspelled. You will need to select the correct spelling.
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: The children’s church song lyrics for “I’m in the Lord’s Army” say that “I may never ride in a (a. calvary OR b. cavalry.)”

6. Pun Fun. Here I shall share a pun and I would like you to share one also.
THIS WEEK'S PUN-LINER. If you dispose of an old chalkboard sponge are you ex-sponging (expunging)?


Send in your puns, coined phrases and answers to the exam. Ms. JoJo’s friend, FIM uses some great puns. For instance, he frequently catches athlete’s tongue by sticking his foot in his mouth. Let’s see if you can send in some puns this week.

In fact, I’m going to make it easy for you all this week and allow you to choose two of these questions to answer on this week’s examination. I shall extend free credit for the unanswered questions if a new quizzer will answer only two of the questions. I shall look forward to reading your witty answers very soon.

Dr. Wordwielder's Wise Warnings

Good evening, Ladies and Gentleman, I am pleased to make my weekly appearance here at Rather Be Writing. I'm ever so indebted to you my astute audience, for being such faithful participants in my written English Grammar examinations. I have been ruminating about a method of thanking you for your involvement through the means of some material compensation for the time and effort you have put forth. As a result, I will soon announce the rules for a contest to win a resource to assist you even further than our weekly lessons. Be sure to appear here at Rather Be Writing in the next few weeks for more details.

Presently, I would like to reveal a tidbit of information that one might find useful in preparation for studying grammar. I have read the abstract of recent studies in the scientific community regarding the correlation of nutrition to the acuity of the brain. It appears that neuroscientists have discovered that cerebral health and functionality are enhanced by the ingestion of certain supplemental capsules and dietary choices which include: Omega Fatty acids which are found in fish, eggs and some nuts and seeds as well as phytonutrients and amino acids found in micro algae, fresh fruits and vegetables. Augmentation of these into one's diet, may increase the ability of the brain to connect the synapses used by neurotransmitters such as norepinephrine and dopamine which promote well-being and the ability to develop and increase cognition. Another nourishment which enhances cerebral functioning is drinking optimum quantities of water. Though one might not benefit from drinking too high amounts of water, insufficient levels of water intake can be detrimental. The average person's body requires 6-8 glasses of water per day in order to prevent dehydration.

One symptom of dehydration is mental confusion. When a person is not drinking enough water, he or she will have difficulty thinking clearly and will be unable to learn effectively which makes the creative process of writing difficult to say the least.

I have noted that my students in these past few years are drinking more and more soft drinks then in years past and also less water. I've heard rumor that carbonation in soft drinks does not allow proper hydration and may actually dehydrate the brain. I have also seen, at least at my university how the class schedules are becoming so tight that it might make one unable to drink enough water during the day due to a dirth of transition time between classes for drinking and eliminating (I do apologize for the graphic content, but one must realize that with input there is certainly going to be output and a healthy person needs to have output approximately 5-6 times per day. Anything less indicates not enough liquid intake.)

Please excuse my digression. I fear I must sound like a walking health encyclopedia. But I must encourage you lovers of pen and ink to ensure for yourselves adequate nutrition and hydration. I do so enjoy a good cup of English tea daily but do try to keep my limit of one or two so that the caffeine will not act as a diuretic. I want to be sure that my thought processes are sharp as well so I do chose green tea often although it is not Earl Grey. It took some adjustment on my part as it will for you as well, but I'm sure that you will desire to nourish your cerebral health and be the best writer and grammatician you are capable of becoming. I pray that you will humor me for this bit of grandfatherly advice. I do get carried away on tangents from time to time but it is because of my deep concern for your well-being and the decrease in scholarly writers that I've seen in the last decade.

Consequently, I shall proceed without much further adieu to present this week's examination.
Your assignment shall be to read the instructions and answer the question that correlates to it below. Put your answers either here or on your own weblog and create a link back to this examination so that others may see your skillful and well-thought answers.

1.Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. Select the correct homonym. They are hectic when used improperly and helpful when fitly used.

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: The young cook learned to pick the (a. flower OR b. flour) that was whole-grain because it was healthier for her body and brain.

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. One feels like an idiot unless he or she uses these idioms correctly.

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION. The university student (a. beat his brains out OR b. became an egghead) trying to write a literary analysis without eating or drinking all day but he was unsuccessful due to mild dehydration and low blood sugar.

3. Wise or Wacky Words. Sometimes I shall share a wise word for your use. At other times, it shall be a strange or wacky word that you, the readers shall help to define.

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION. Malapropism. Is it: (a. the inability to prop one's book up at an appropriate angle OR b. the act or habit of misusing a word.)

4. Comical or Cute Coinage. Step one. Terms that I find cute or comical. Step two, you share a word that you find fitting in either category as well. We shall sharpen each other’s intellect.

THIS WEEK'S WORD. Gadabout: A person who runs about aimlessly seeking entertainment. A social butterfly. Now send us one of your favorite words or coined phrases. Let us see if anyone in addition to Ms. JoJo can come up with something cute or comical. (But feel free, Ms. JoJo to play as well.)

5. Spelling Slips. This shall include words that are commonly misspelled. You will need to select the correct spelling.

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION. (a. Nuerotransmitters OR b. Neurotransmitters) are the body's Morse code or communication system.

6. Pun Fun. Here I shall share a pun and I would like you to share one also.

THIS WEEK'S PUN-LINER. If you join a group of your colleagues at McDonald's Restaurant for dinner and do not eat but pray instead, is the fare there still fast food?

Send in your puns, coined phrases and answers to the exam. I shall look forward to reading your witty answers very soon. But for now, I shall sip a cup of decaffeinated Green Tea, cream and sugar of course. Perhaps I shall be successful in duping my gustatory senses into believing it to be the familiar Earl Grey tea I oft drink.

Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, I leave you with one request. Guard your cerebral health and exercise your brain cells! Tut tut! Good bye for now.

Dr. Wordwielder's Words of Wisdom

Dr. Word Wielder here. I trust that in my absence, you’ve all been brushing up on your grammar. Ms. BeckyJoie has been teaching her children about root words and prefixes. They seem to have adapted fairly well and are developing an affinity to stretching their vocabulary by using words that they have never heard of nor understood prior. In fact, I think one of them has decided that he shall take up a hobby of the same ilk that Ms. BeckyJoie has chosen for her career. He has begun writing stories and making up sentences using the words from his lessons. I do believe that he was found using a cardboard box turned tablet to do so because he wanted to pen the words quickly and illustrate them himself. Ms. BeckyJoie was estactic, to put it in the common vernacular. I too, congratulated her on the successful passing of the torch. With a bit of mentoring, the young chap might actually become skillful at the craft. Perhaps, someday, he shall develop a desire to pursue a career in communications and enroll in my university classes. But for now, I think that it is a good idea for him to engage in Writing Workshops and critique circles of his peers. Perhaps, I shall talk his mother into beginning a Workshop in the new umbrella school in which he partakes. I shall not have the time to teach him myself.

I’ve been busy from top to toe with preparations for the new semester at the university. My classes are at an abundance of attendees, which is excellent for the sake of our educational institution in this era of global financial crisis about which we hear ad infinitem. (Regardless of the financial situation, I assume that I shall fare fine with my collection of rare, antique books though I wouldst die a thousand deaths of starvation before parting with them).

Nevertheless, the flurry of life’s whirlwinds shall not prevail this evening as it has in the past week or so. I do believe Ms. Oakes has repaired her technical issues with people who cough too much (hackers). Now I shall deliver my weekly lesson. I would like you also to add a word on an area of English, Grammar or Writing about which you have questions. Then leave your answers in the box marked “comments” and I shall return later to grade them. Thank you so much for your faithful participation. I am delighted to have you in my correspondence class hosted via the Internet.

DIRECTIONS: I shall post one or more of these weekly. Sometimes I shall include them all. You will need to understand the rules and definitions.

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. (Select the correct homonym. .They are hectic when used improperly and helpful when fitly used.)
2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. (One feels like an idiot unless he or she uses these idioms correctly.)
3. Wise or Wacky Words. (Sometimes I shall share a wise word for your use. At other times, it shall be a strange or wacky word that you, the readers shall help to define.)
4. Comical or Cute Coinage. (Step one. I share terms that I find cute or comical. Step two, you share a word that you find fitting in either category as well. We shall sharpen each other’s intellect.)
5. Spelling Slips. This shall include words that are commonly misspelled. You will need to select the correct one.
6. Pun Fun. I do relish a bit of dry, English or New Englandish humor. Puns are a way of life for some of Ms. BeckyJoie’s family as well. Here I shall share a pun and I would like you to share one also.

Are you prepared sufficiently to attempt the examination?

Learning Language is the sharpening stick for the scholar's sword.

Here are the questions. Remember to consult the rules above. Choose the correct answer and post to the blog. Each category is numbered and defined above.

1. Floridians are fond of “yard (a. Sailing OR b. saling)”.
2. Under His Wings Womens Center held a vigil for domestic violence survivors; the gentleman brought a candle and attended because he: a. realized that actions speak louder than words OR B. wanted to add fuel to the fire.
3. Abecedarian. Define it. Is it: A. one who uses an abacus to teach Mathematics OR B. a beginner or learner of the alphabet?
4. Blogstruck. Being enamored with a topic about which one of your colleagues has posted via a weblog or social media device.
5. What is this misspelled word suppose to be? “A Fiend is someone who sticks closer than a brother.”
6. “When a medical professional starts poking and ribbing you, it is not a good idea to command ‘Cut it out, sir”—the accidental appendectomy patient.

Well, it is time for me to retire for the night. I hope that you enjoyed yourself while taking my examination and that you were able to guess the correct answers. Re-read the rules, please, ladies and gentlemen, and then post your answers here and also on your own blog, giving a link back to my grammar lesson. Once, again, I think Ms. BeckyJoie for allowing me to have time and space on her webpage. Until next time, my companions….

Dr. Wordwielder, signing off. Writers: take this to heart. Teachers, tell your students: Use wise words when working and writing this week. Wield them well and wisdom will walk with you.

Dr. Wordwielder is Weary

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Wordwielder here with your weekly word examination. I shan't be long. I'm a mite bit weary this evening as I've made several trips out in the rain and doing so depletes this old chap of any gumption he might have thought in his possession.

First, I purposed to go to the local library for their annual used book sale in a quest for a few, desired, old faithful books, some of which have been on my wish list for quite some time now, perhaps ten years. I've handled the modern copies but they do not compare to the quality striven for by every business worth it's salt in yesteryear. It was imperative that I not be late for this very important date with alibris, so I skipped breakfast and gobbled down a light nosh of pickled eggs followed by a slice of brown bread. I advanced to my car in hopes that the motorway would not be too cramped. Of course, you know that the weather in Florida is about as fickle as a mood ring and one must prepare for the best and worst to come. I tossed a brolly in the boot even though it was bright and warm from the golden sun. Walking away, I glanced in the rear view as I approached the driver's side. I noted a few bread crumbs in my mustache so I reached up to brush them away, only to accidentally nudge my bi-focals. They fell off my face but I quickly scooped the cap off my woolen head and caught them. To my great surprise, the neighborhood children who were waiting on the arrival of the school bus, must have believed that I was a magician performing a trick, as they giggled and clapped (after a gasp or two). I have to admit, it was a pretty brilliant chance for me to cover up what might have been a fateful accident. I turned and gave a slight bow and then climbed into the vehicle.

As I motored toward the library sale, little droplets of water began to drip onto my windscreen and form into little pools. I turned on my wipers and gave way to the yellow cab that seemed to be out of place in this area and didn't he know it? Perhaps he was from New York or something. He almost ran me off the road, but I was able to right myself and keep on track until I reached the slip road to the adorable village that's name includes the title for Mountain but is really a hill with a few slight curves. At any rate, the precipitation had weakened and I was not too disappointed as I had no way of reaching my protection that was lying by itself in the rear of the car.

The library was as I had hoped it would be, quiet as a museum at night (although I heard someone wrote a movie about strange happenings in one museum). The early bird catches the worm, you know. I stood at the door, awaiting the librarian who came a moment later with the keys. I had not arrived a minute too soon. As we entered the building, cars were motoring up into the lot like ants on honey at a picnic. I mustn't blame them. There were a grand amount of books available. I gazed on a copy of "The Royal Path of Life" by Thomas Haines and company. It was a giant volume containing pages of velum, black and white drawings and advice written in a grandfatherly tone, yielding wisdom as well as debating the issues of contemporary society. I longed to purchase it but pondered the thought of carrying the monstrosity along with me as I browsed the other tables.

The aroma of musty paper wafted o'er the room and to me it was the scent of heaven unleashed. I picked up a copy of John Greenleaf Whittier's poetry, a fine book with an embossed red rose on the front. It contained an autograph on the title page and was addressed to a colleague of his. I ran my fingers across the edges and marveled at how the grainy cover could suddenly feel so smooth over the center of it, as if ribbon with a rose underneath, had been woven in like fabric across the cover. I placed the anthology back down on the table and picked up a plain book that looked like it had been wrapped in a brown paper bag, only it felt more like burlap. It was a copy of Riverside Literature Series Numbers 13 and 14, the Song of Hiawatha, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Delighted, I opened the book and saw that it was a true find for only $10.00. I snatched it up quickly and proceeded to the cashier, checked out and left. It had always fascinated me to read stories of the Natives in early America and Longfellow was no slouch in the telling of it.

Since the hour is late and since Ms. BeckyJoie has requested that I weigh in on the matter of good literature, I shall forgo the lengthy examination and post but one or two questions. Prior to that, I shall share with you a portion of the book I was able to acquire. I do hope that you will grant a weary old man some forgiveness for an atypical post this eve. This is only an excerpt of the poem titled, "Hiawatha's Friends" in "The Song of Hiawatha". I am posting it in response to Ms. JoJo Tabares weblog article about friendship and what constitutes such. Don't you think that Longfellow does an excellent job of describing Hiawatha's feelings toward friends?

Two good friends had Hiawatha,
Singled out from all the others,
Bound to him in closest union,
And to whom he gave the right hand
Of his heart, in joy and sorrow;
Chibiabos, the musician,
And the very strong man, Kwasind.
Straight between them ran the pathway,
Never grew the grass upon it;
Singing birds, that utter falsehoods,
Story-tellers, mischief-makers,
Found no eager ear to listen,
Could not breed ill-will between them,
For they kept each other's counsel,
Spake with naked hearts together,
Pondering much and much contriving
How the tribes of men might prosper.
Most beloved by Hiawatha
Was the gentle Chibiabos,
He the best of all musicians,
He the sweetest of all singers.
Beautiful and childlike was he,
Brave as man is, soft as woman,
Pliant as a wand of willow,
Stately as a deer with antlers.
When he sang, the village listened;
All the warriors gathered round him,
All the women came to hear him;
Now he stirred their souls to passion,
Now he melted them to pity.
From the hollow reeds he fashioned
Flutes so musical and mellow,
That the brook, the Sebowisha,
Ceased to murmur in the woodland,
That the wood-birds ceased from singing,
And the squirrel, Adjidaumo,
Ceased his chatter in the oak-tree,
And the rabbit, the Wabasso,
Sat upright to look and listen.
Yes, the brook, the Sebowisha,
Pausing, said, "O Chibiabos,
Teach my waves to flow in music,
Softly as your words in singing!"
Yes, the bluebird, the Owaissa,
Envious, said, "O Chibiabos,
Teach me tones as wild and wayward,
Teach me songs as full of frenzy!"
Yes, the robin, the Opechee,
Joyous, said, "O Chibiabos,
Teach me tones as sweet and tender,
Teach me songs as full of gladness!"
And the whippoorwill, Wawonaissa,
Sobbing, said, "O Chibiabos,
Teach me tones as melancholy,
Teach me songs as full of sadness!"
All the many sounds of nature
Borrowed sweetness from his singing;
All the hearts of men were softened
By the pathos of his music;
For he sang of peace and freedom,
Sang of beauty, love, and longing;
Sang of death, and life undying
In the Islands of the Blessed,
In the kingdom of Ponemah,
In the land of the Hereafter.

The vivid language and grammar of this piece is inspiring in a literary and philosophical sense. I simply adore Longfellow's use of poetic devices. For example,
his use of similes and metaphors such as "pliant as a wand of willows", "stately as a deer with antlers" and "spoke with naked hearts together" show his astute knowledge of how to appeal to the interest and intellect of his readers. What eloquent words he uses that we might understand and feel what Hiawatha, the main character feels toward his friends. What magnificent usage of the colour and imagery that evoke in us a sense of our presence in the story. I noticed also that the gentleman used a subtle amount of alliteration. For instance, "teach me tones wild and wayward", "eager ear" and the like. He does employ a set rhythm which engraves the words and details upon the mind of the reader. Not many folks are skilled at the art of using multiple, hyphenated words so close together but Longfellow used them like they were pieces of a song-of course they are-the Song of Hiawatha. "Singing birds, that utter falsehoods, Story-tellers,mischief-makers, Found no eager ear to listen, Could not breed ill-will between them."

Although I am merely skimming the surface, the literary content of Longfellow's poetry is an example from which a good poet and writer can learn much about entertaining the reader and using quality grammatical tools. But I shall have to lecture more at another hour.

The hour is late and I'm rambling as I suppose stodgy old people do. I shan't have another cup of coffee as I need to arise early tomorrow for another round of lectures at the university. So I shall leave you with an abbreviated version of my weekly examination.

Don't forget to post your responses and return again in a day or so for the answers.

Two Questions this week.


1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. Which homonym is correct? Two weeks prior to today, I, Dr. William Wordwielder did visit the local book (sellers or cellars).

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. If you make companionship with a fool, you might also be taken for one because as everybody knows, (a. You must never count your chickens before they hatch OR b. Birds of a feather flock together.)

By the way, I neglected to inform you about the results of my audition last Wednesday evening for the church worship ensemble. It appears that my style of vocal expression is not compatible with the music selections used by the choral director for the ensemble but the director was pleased with my audition so that he added an extra chair in the choir itself and placed me in the back to assist the bass and baritone sections as I possess a three octave range and there was no need for another tenor. Thank you all for your interest in my endeavor. I recently heard about another option where I might be able to sing with a collage of singers. For now, I shall retire and wish you all a good night's rest, though as I said it is late and you shall probably read my ramblings on the morrow. Good night. Don't forget to comment. Parting is such sweet, nay, bittersweet sorrow.

Auditions Post/ Answers to Dr. Wordwielder's Quiz

Dr. Wordwielder here. I do declare that modern technology is oft times a curse. On occasion, I try my hand at typing on these newfangled machines with the Internet attached and discover myself entangled in it's web of treachery. This week I did this to your poor hostess' computer. Ms. BeckyJoie had mentioned to me how she often listens to classical music while penning her thoughts and I heard about a website that would play the music whilst I typed. But to my misfortune, it appeared to inject some sort of "virus" as I'm told into Ms. BeckyJoie's computer causing the letters in the words to reverse such as if it were written by a person diagnosed with dyslexia. It took her a few days to realize what I had done and she was very gracious about the whole ordeal. I do declare that her husband must have been scratching his head a bit over the matter. Our host and hostess sure were baffled. They hustled over to the local office supply establishment and purchased a can of air???? Then they proceeded to spray it all over the keyboard as if trying to blow away the virus. At least, that is how it appeared to me. But alas, the solution was yet to be found. Mr. Oakes ran a deep scan and found the culprit. Now, I shall finally be able to answer the exam questions for you. Here they are:


1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS THE LETTER B. AND IT HAS NOTHING IN COMMON WITH INFESTATIONS THAT HOUSEHOLD PETS ACQUIRE, UNLESS YOU CONSIDER THAT THE MATERIALS BROUGHT TO SUCH A MARKET SEEM TO MULTIPLY LIKE FLEAS SCATTERED ACROSS THE GROUNDS. The magnificent model of feminine pulchritude made her way across the green to browse the tables at the ( a. flee, or b. flea) market.

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. THE CORRECT ANSWER IS B. AGAIN. TO OVER-EGG THE PUDDING IS TO SPOIL SOMETHING BY USING TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING WHEREAS TO OVERPLAY ONE'S HAND DENOTES OVERESTIMATION OF ONE'S POSITION OR STRENGTH. When writing descriptive lines in poetry or prose, one must not ( a. overplay one's hand or b. over-egg the pudding). YES, IT WAS RATHER TRICKY, MY FRIENDS.

3. Wise or Wacky Words. THIS TIME THE ANSWER WAS THE LETTER A. The word is affable. Does it mean: a. easy to speak to and gracious OR b. the after effects of laughing.

4. Cute or Comical Coinage. Kiss gate. This term is used quite frequently in England where I lived as a young fellow in my preparatory school days. The Kiss Gate was designed to prevent animals from escaping or entering a location and it consisted of a half door that only one person at a time could pass through, usually, the gentleman would enter first and offer to help the ladies afterward. Often my chums would make their boast about preventing the young ladies from moseying through unless they had first offered a kiss. Of course, I never attempted this with the ladies as I ne'er wished to receive the brunt of their brolly upon my head but some chaps may have succeeded. IT COULD HAVE BEEN EITHER CUTE OR COMICAL. NOW IT IS YOUR TURN TO COIN A PHRASE. LEAVE A COMMENT OR POST A COINED WORD ON YOUR OWN WEBLOG. IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO COIN A WORD OR PHRASE, FEEL FREE TO SHARE THOSE YOU HAVE LEARNED FROM OTHERS.

5. Spelling Slips. Which spelling is correct for the following word: a. nucular OR b. nuclear ? THE ANSWER IS THE LETTER B.

6. Pun Fun. I had found my true soulmate. She and I were both wearing British shoes. WHAT PUNS HAVE YOU BECOME FOND OF HEARING? HAVE YOU USED ANY YOURSELF?

AS YOU MAY BE WONDERING, DUE TO THE TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY WITH WHICH THE HOSTESS' COMPUTER BECAME PLAGUED, I HAVE HAD TO MAKE AN EXTRA TRIP BETWEEN THE UNIVERSITY AND HER HOME. BUT I PROMISE TO RETURN LATER THIS WEEK TO POST ANOTHER EXAM. MEANWHILE, PLEASE TAKE CARE TO SHARPEN YOUR WORDWIELDING SKILLS BY READING YOUR FAVORITE DICTIONARY OR TAKING TIME TO COMPLETE THE WORD SEARCHES IN YOUR LOCAL NEWSPAPERS. UNTIL LATER, GOOD BYE FOR NOW.

Dr. Wordwielder Auditions

Good evening, fine ladies and gentlemen. It is my extreme pleasure to greet you with a story of a fine audition of which I was a participant. Having taken leading Shakespearean roles on stage on occasion as well as having been on tour in a speaking circuit, I only felt it fitting that I once again take to the platform when I heard the musical director of a local church calling for potential participants for the church worship team. I've never done such a thing before but being a proper gentleman desirous of aiding my fellow man, the idea had begun to take root in my heart.

Why, a distinguished professor such as myself, must surely lend assistance to a young chap in his attempts to lead a fledgling flock into green pastures of refined music. At the very least, I wished to influence the clarity of annunciation as I have been noticing the lack thereof in music of a popular persuasion on the Christian radio networks and churches across the country (this chap's choir being much improved over the general public, but one can always improve one's craft, mind you.) It has been my opinion that the quality of music and the quantity of musical training has been gradually degrading itself here over the years since I first arrived here from England. Musicians and vocalists in this day and age do not proceed through the necessary educational rigors that musicians once endured for the quality of their craft. At times, it seems that any old chump might produce a recording and succeed at entering a competition such as the scandalous show on American Televisions which might make an idol out of an ignoramus. But alas, I am over-ruled by the general populace who passes over a musical genius to award recording contracts to a novice. But then again, what do I know? I'm merely a purveyor of prose with an acute aspiration for excellence in all functions of speech, whether they be spoken, musical or written.

A friend of Ms. BeckyJoie's is airing a chat show tomorrow upon the exact topic and desires that you join her and her debonair listeners to discuss the importance of communicating through the language of music. I do believe that our hostess has placed an advert on the side of her blog page so that we might click on it to arrive at the chat show destiny.

But first, I must say that I hope the readers will keep an astute mind about such a matter since so much sensitivity surely surrounds this volatile subject. For example, my very presence at the afore-mentioned audition was greeted with a cold shoulder and a bit of bossiness by the younger set this evening. I suppose that the pronunciation of vowels and consonants in that particular genre of music is quite uncommon these days. But it was my desire to set a sterling standard for symbolic citation by the supervisor of the ensemble for coming contestants over the course of time.

The choral director smiled like a Cheshire cat after I obliged him with a masterful performance of a melismatic segment of Handel's Messiah that I used to deliver to the masses in my voice studies in college. He seemed pleased to make my acquaintance and I have to admit that I've not met a young chap of his caliber in at least a decade or two. I suppose that I shall be called upon to aid him in polishing up the vocals in his Sunday ensemble, but if not, I had a dashing time of it, being back on stage.

I did have one minor problem, though, as my old bones climbed up the stairs to the platform. My trousers were a bit too stiff from all the starch that I had by error, dropped into my laundry last week, when my bifocals had become fogged up by the steam of the rising water in the washing machine. I had a mite of difficulty bending at the knee and began to loose my balance somewhat. Fortunately, I reached for a nearby microphone stand and righted myself pretty quickly, though it did coincide with some squeals and squeaks coming from one of the speakers. The modern conveniences have their advantages but oft can be a smidgen cantankerous from time to time. I do believe, though, that we ironed out the matter significantly by the time I recovered the microphone to sound my resonant tones. When the audition ended, I discovered that I had, in my haste to arrive at the house of worship, forgotten to imbibe a spot of iced tea and to ingest the cold cucumber sandwich that I had prepared to eat along the way. So, I strolled out on the grounds to find a shady limb under which to place myself. After devouring the delightful dinner, I rested for a while, and then climbed into my Mini Cooper and proceeded here for our weekly lesson. Along the drive, I admired the brilliant finish of the paint job I recently had re-touched, reflecting specks of the British racing green across the cabriolet and glistening like sparks of glitter in the setting sun rays. I arrived here safely and tucked my automobile under cover for the remainder of the night as the Oakes have generously offered the use of their guest room this week because of my previous mishaps late at night in the Florida rain storms.

I am grateful once again for your faithfulness to attend my online classes and for Ms. BeckyJoie who so graciously offers her blog every week. I could not imagine trying to circumnavigate the world wide web in order to create a blog for myself. I once attempted the evil feat and became maddeningly overwhelmed. Thus, I shall leave the technological triumphs to another more adept while I shall continue to bring the excellence in accelerated English eloquence.

Speaking of the art of eloquence, I have been unable to shake the impression of the English Rose whose voice attracted my attention last week. I was transported, whether in reality or my thoughts, from my presence at the Barnes and Noble Book Sellers Establishment to the celestial realms where she seemed to naturally find her place in a blanket of brilliant light. The sound of her voice echoed through it like an opera singer at Carnegie Hall. Though I never had the pleasure of viewing her angelic countenance, I am quite certain that her radiance must be of no equal comparison. Might I have known her from another realm or from my place of origin? Only time will tell but I have not been able to erase her memory from my mind. But I shall try, for it is only once in a lifetime that one meets a lady with such enchanting elocution and it is unlikely that I shall be able to be graced by her presence again, save some miraculous intervention. So, I shan't indulge in the monotony of the retelling of the saga but thus, proceed to this week's agenda at Rather Be Writing.

For today's lesson, we shall answer the following questions. Feel free to leave your own comments and suggestions in the box below marked "comments".

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. The magnificent model of feminine pulchritude made her way across the green to browse the tables at the ( a. flee, or b. flea) market. Choose one.

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. When writing descriptive lines in poetry or prose, one must not ( a. overplay one's hand or b. over-egg the pudding). Choose one.

3. Wise or Wacky Words. The word is affable. Does it mean: a. easy to speak to and gracious OR b. the after effects of laughing.

4. Cute or Comical Coinage. Kiss gate. This term is used quite frequently in England where I lived as a young fellow in my preparatory school days. The Kiss Gate was designed to prevent animals from escaping or entering a location and it consisted of a half door that only one person at a time could pass through, usually, the gentleman would enter first and offer to help the ladies afterward. Often my chums would make their boast about preventing the young ladies from moseying through unless they had first offered a kiss. Of course, I never attempted this with the ladies as I ne'er wished to receive the brunt of their brolly upon my head but some chaps may have succeeded.

NOTE: I shall add two more categories for this week alone and they may appear again at random. This shall serve to keep the readers alert and searching for new words to leave in the comment box.

5. Spelling Slips. Which spelling is correct for the following word: a. nucular OR b. nuclear ?

6. Pun Fun. I had found my true soulmate. She and I were both wearing British shoes.

Now, my friends it is your turn. Try your hand at the examination. It is an open book test, so retrieve your dictionary and thesaurus and search away. Don't forget to leave your answers for the rest of us to view in the comments department. Also, leave us a link to follow you back to your weblog or post. In that way, we can find you more easily. I shall post the answer in the next couple of days.

Cherio, my chums!

Dr. Wordwielder's Mysterious Encounter

A Word from Dr. Wordwielder:



Greetings, my friends!

Please accept my deepest regrets for my lack of punctuality in arriving at Rather Be Writing. For some unknown reason, I've developed a bit of brain fog over the last ten hours.

You see, I had completed my lessons and extra-curricular reading activities at the university library over an hour earlier than usual and so I had purposed in my heart to make an excursion to my local Barnes and Noble Booksellers establishment. The motivation for doing so was to acquire for myself a copy of the magazine, Etymology Today, where I had published an article called, “Colloquialism, The Root of Linguistic Morphology.”

Prior to leaving the university, I had received a telephone call from Ms. BeckyJoie to inform me that she was having a bit of schedule overload; what, between her new work with the non-profit organization, her review-writing job and some family distress, she requested that I postpone my visit until this evening. I was happy to oblige as it had been nearly a month since my last visit to the shelves of the celestial book hall and bistro. So I retired forthwith to Barnes and Noble.

When I arrived at my destination, I was delighted to hear that the public address system was alternating between selections of my most favored musicians, the classical composer, Mozart and the Big Band legend, Glen Miller. I felt at home, once again, with the enticing scent of fresh ink and new paper, which had comforted me from my early childhood visits to the library and bookstores. I began skimming the assortment of reading fare that lined up on the shelves as I passed through to the news department. I noted the 2010 volumes of the Writer's Market Guide and Poet's Market were freshly set in rows and still wrapped in plastic. I latched on to a copy of each and tucked them into my satchel, continuing toward the magazine rack.

There it was-of crisp copy of Etymology Today. I surveyed the pages until I found my article, wanting to make sure that the editor left my precious manuscript intact. I noted that there were no errors. The information in the document is vital to the maintenance of the English language. I oft chance to hear the deterioration of our distinguished lingua mater when a youngster verbalizes that he likes to stand around and be cold with his friends. He ought at least to put the 'g' in "chilling". And once, in the hallways of the university, a group of young men were running through like herds of cattle when one of them barged into me.

“My bad,” he said.

I was waiting for him to finish the sentence. “My bad...mistake.” “My bad... aim” or something like that but he stopped--short--at the word “bad”.

Why! Just yesterday, I was meandering through the parking lot and a sports vehicle scurried in right behind me. A gaggle of girls came running to the driver's side door yelling, “Oh! Sweet!”

I looked to see if there was a box of chocolates in the hands of the fellow but for the life of me, I could only see a bag of books. Young people these days!

So I was pleased when the magazine editor accepted my query about writing an article on the dangers of using colloquialism in communication. I sent him a piece the next week after he replied to my letter. That reminds me, I need to address him with a note of extreme appreciation for his ability to publish my article. For it was no sooner said than done. (But I need to return to my explanation of last evening.)

The intense summer temperatures spawned my salivary glands to seek out satisfaction in the form of a refreshing libation. I promptly obeyed my inner urgings and approached the bistro where I took nary a minute to convey my directive to the clerk behind the counter. “Yes, Miss, I'm mighty fine, thank you. And I would like to order a triple iced caramel latte with a dash of fresh cream and hazelnut and a stick of cinnamon. Thank you. And how much will that be?”

The young woman announced the amount and while I awaited the delivery of my chilled potable, I paid the bill for it, for my books and the magazine. Then seated myself in a corner booth to attain some solitude . The drink was surely refreshing. The whipped cream was thicker than I had remembered it and I must have looked a fright while wiping it out of my mustache and off of my nose for a youngster passing by with his mother stopped to stare at me a moment. I didn't appreciate it much as I felt that children ought to be taught not to stare at their elders but I couldn't blame him for the way I must have appeared so I looked away and began to rummage through my satchel for a pen and my reading glasses.

I had been sitting there for somewhere about the period of ten minutes when I heard a voice that pierced through me as if it were a long, lost familiar connection from my birthplace in England. I could not quite place it but I listened, hoping to recall the exact tone of voice in order that I might make the acquaintance more sure in my mind.

As I couldn't recollect the sound, I raised my head to peer around behind me to where a group of ladies sat around a table, apparently discussing a book. One by one, I heard them critique a line or two and tell why the book meant so much to them. I thought to myself that this was quite the unusual gathering for women of this caliber as I had not seen a book club or a writer's association in this town in quite some time, unless of course, you would count the students in my after school study hall.

Then I heard the voice again. It was as lovely as a nightingale, sweet and sing-songy like that of none I had ever heard before. I startled slightly but then shook off the shivers that had risen up new goose bumps on my arms. Why was I feeling so out of the ordinary? Perhaps I had caught this chillin' bug with which the young men were so fond of claiming association. Whatever it was, I had to see who the voice emanated from like the music of a violin echoing through Carnegie Hall. I stole a furtive glance in the general direction of the table, but all I could see, sticking up above her book, was the brim of a purple velvet hat and a large, plum, silk ribbon which adorned it. I sighed and attempted to return my attention to my new market guides and for a few moments, I perused the pages when all of a sudden, I heard the voice again.

“Dahling, the coffee was simply a delectable treat and the ambrosial cheesecake was simply enchanting. Above all, I adored keeping company with you, Madeline. Charming, for certain, my dear.”

I turned and she was passing by my table. I tried to catch a glimpse but just as I gazed in her direction, her pocket book slipped from her shoulder and she scooted down in the opposite direction to retrieve it.
When she stood again, the other ladies had gathered around and they began to exit the store.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to alarm anyone, but I could have sworn by George that I had heard that voice once before. I didn't dare to follow her to the parking lot. I did not think it a wise nor ethical thing for a gentlemen of my stature to do, but I thought perhaps I could stand in the window and pretend to be looking at the Florida skies for signs of weather. Was she an angel from heaven or a long lost friend from my former country. I did not know and never could tell as she chatted from the midst of the women's circle all the way to her vehicle, which looked to be a rental but one could not tell. It was apparent that I would not be able to ascertain her identity but her voice has haunted me ever since. I think I heard them calling her something like Ms. Smith but I couldn't be quite certain. Anyway, I returned to my table and gathered up my belongings. I had to make sure that my lesson for Rather Be Writing was in order and ready to bring to you this evening.

Now, that I have gotten that off my chest, I shall turn my attention to the purpose for which I have arrived at Rather Be Writing. Here is this week's lesson:

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. The breadbaker beat the (doe or dough) before inserting it into the pan and then the oven.

2.Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. The young lady who won the cherry pie eating contest was wearing (A. a Freudian slip or B. a cheshire cat grin).

3. Wise or Wacky Words. Magnanimus. Does it mean? A. a large magnetic object OR B. generous and noble.

4. Comical or Cute Coinages. Brain dead. Although this word is a medical term which means to be have no life signs in one's brain while on the brink of death, it is now commonly used also to describe a person who is not using their brain to think and reason. What coined phrases can you create or do you often hear used? Kindly send your answers to this weblog.

Thank you Ms. Oakes, for allowing me to come once again to your blog and post. I shall look forward to reading everyone's answers as they post them to their own weblogs and link back here with a comment letting us know where you have posted your guesses and a coined word. I shall deliver the correct answers to you a few days hence.

Dr. Wordwielder's Wordsmithing Woa's

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that my visit to Rather Be Writing last week was diverted due to circumstances beyond my control.

You see, last Wednesday evening, I was sitting in my customary location on the Davenport in the university library. I was reading through the B entries in my Oxford New English Dictionary when the lines in my bifocals appeared to blur and the words on the page began to fade and then after that I do not recall anything for a while.

All of a sudden, I was startled by a cacophonous CRASH. I arose from my seat to see what was the matter. Oh, wait, that's not me. (Well, I must have been reading too much of Clarke Moore's poetry to my classes that day.) Suffice it to say, my dear friends, that the sound with which I became enlivened, resembled that of a gun shot. I feared that one of the drama students had gotten carried away in the auditorium nearby. But upon closer examination, I discovered no students nor staff members remained in the wing where I had taken up temporary refuge. It puzzled me greatly how such a boisterous boom could come from a seemingly empty building. I wandered from hall to hall when ZAP!!! At that very moment, a white flash of light flooded the air outside the Science laboratory where I expected to find the source of the explosion which had startled me. My left hand stretched toward the counter for stability and I peered over the rim of my spectacles but saw nothing. In fact, I seemed to have lost my visual senses. After a momentary lapse, the discovery that I was enveloped in a pervasive absence of light gave me pause for consideration. I needed to find a way out of the laboratory and into the hallway where I could use my cane to tap along the surface of the wall and circumnavigate the facilities to the exit.

Of course, I remained calm but plotted my response in the event that I should run into the hoodlums who had caused such an offense in order to rob or vandalize the university. My suspicions were that it was a fraternity prank but one could never be certain. It might even be a group of terrorists. I deduced that, even in the shadows, I would have an advantage over the young whipper snappers. Having been employed for so many years of my career at EEIEA, I knew the campus like the back of my hand. There had been many a day where I roamed the hallways reading J. R. R. Tolkien or C.S. Lewis while circumventing the crowds of students who stood chatting in the hallway between classes. I could certainly find my way around better than anyone I knew.

I felt my way out of the room with my cane while clutching the classwork and dictionary in my right hand. I could always use the massive volume as a decoy should the need arise by casting it in the opposite direction of my escape path to lure my assailants away long enough to evade apprehension. I proceeded with caution but also stood erect in order to appear invincible in the event that the criminals had donned night vision equipment.

As I left the room, I was delighted to be greeted by battery-powered emergency lighting in the hallway, leaving shadows distinguishable enough to lower my cane. I advanced with ease toward the visitor's office where I would attempt to locate the telephone and contact the constabulary authorities. As I placed my armload on the chair just inside the doorway, I froze. There, standing in the window behind the desk ,hiding behind the draperies was one of the intruders. The window was open and a breeze flowed through or I might not have seen his shadow wavering back and forth. I crouched and tried to crawl around the edge of the desk so as not to alert him to my presence but years ago, I had injured my right meniscus in an ice storm when visiting an educational conference in Boston. I gasped but was able to stifle it, then proceeded to tip toe with my weapon in hand. As I approached, I raised my cane as high into the air as I could and applied the force of a belly club as I swung. My cane caught in the drapery and tangled up, knocking me off-kilter into the desk behind me where I apparently landed on the button for the intercom and heard my voice echo through the building. “Take thattttttt!” I heard as I struggled to untangle my cane. I pulled it back behind my head and then thrust it toward the window again hoping to strike him but just at that precise moment, the lights came on and blinded me. Reflections on my bifocals prevented my eyes from focusing but then my vision was restored enough to see my victim in full spectrum light. There stood a graduation gown with a pair of the administrator's Florsheims on the floor beneath. It was apparent that a graduating senior had just returned his gown to the office and the secretary had inadvertently left the window open and left it hanging there after closing the draperies.

I was never so undignified in my entire life and realized that I must be in need of some suspended somnolence. I was fortunate to be the only staff member in the building as the security personnel had already retired for the evening assuming that I would make my usual after hours exit and secure the building myself. For this, I was grateful. I stepped forward to seal the aperture and discovered the source of the power outage as a bolt of lightening darted in the distant horizon. The generator back-up timer had tripped after the electricity had been affected by a lightening strike somewhere on the campus. I glanced around and noticed that there was not a sign of combustion in the atmosphere at all so I exited the building and meandered to my vehicle. In all the chaos, I must have left my lesson for you on the desk in the visitor's office but I did not want to become a lightening rod in the lonely parking lot so I scurried into the driver's seat and attempted to drive away into the storm. I thought, perhaps that I might arrive on time but as I continued my journey toward your home, the clouds darkened and the floodgates of heaven prevailed to penetrate the road with horrific hail. I feared that being in Florida, I might be on the outskirts of a hurricane or tornado but had no choice but to continue as I could hardly see the boundaries of the road. Eventually, I arrived upon the edge of my driveway but as it was approaching Two o' clock in the morning,I presumed that you would already be in your bedstead and not appreciate a guest at that hour. I beg upon your mercy for forgiveness of my rude behavior to have not kept my word on traveling to your residence last Wednesday and I hope that your readers have used the week of my absence as an opportunity to study the incredible linguistic lecture which I had deposited here upon my last visit to Rather Be Writing.

This week's lesson shall consist of the following:

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms? Choose the correct homonym to place in this old song. “I may never ride in a ___________ but I'm in the Lord's army.” Is it: a. calvary OR b. cavalry.

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms? When the utility bill came, it made my___________ because it was so elevated. CHOOSE ONE: a. blood run cold OR b. blood boil.

3. Wise or Wacky Words? Sanguine. Does it mean: a. happy, optimistic OR b. an object containing sparkly sequins?

4. Comical or Cute Coinage? Evoktional may be defined as: to create or do something that will evoke a response from someone. The word also denotes a devotional quality to the response that is evoked. The first time I became aware of this word is when Ms. BeckyJoie's brother, Ray Thombs, Jr. used it to describe his common mode of operation in human relationships. Dear Readers, coined words are rather an addiction to me as a professor and philologist, so if you could kindly humor me a bit and send me your coinages this week via email or a post, it would be ever-fulfilling for me to peruse.

In fact, this week, please do not post your answers here on this weblog but instead, record them on a page elsewhere such as Facebook, Twitter or your personal weblog.

Then come to this page and leave the address or location where we may find your answer. I shall leave the quiz answers with your host to announce at a later time in the next day or so. Thank you so much for understanding my plight last week and I appreciated your consideration and forgiveness.

The time has arrived when I may need to vacate the residence of my hostess but I shall return again soon. I've been very busy lately and a bit scattered so if I do not appear on time, I please to beg your pardon. Nonetheless, whether or not I am present, I shall not neglect to deliver the lessons to Ms. BeckyJoie so that she may be able to publish them for all of her readers to study and memorize. For now, I bid you goodwill and good night. Until we meet again....

Post Script: Don't forget to answer the exam questions.

Answers to Dr. Wordwielder's Exam

Thank you to all who exercised your brains this past week in reading and taking my examination. I am certain that many of you did take the time to ascertain the answers but for some reason, you are recording your answers off the record. I'm sure you are anxious to compare your findings with the final answers so I, Dr. Word Wielder do hearby declare the following answers to be the verifiable and reliable answers:

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. The Egyptians were ruled by a (farrow, pharaoh) who sat on a (thrown, throne) chair. The correct answers are pharaoh and throne. A farrow is a group of wild pigs and the word thrown is past tense for throw.
2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. The musician who won the national finals at the Gospel Music Association (A. forgot himself OR B. went off the deep end) when he heard his name announced over the public address system. Choose the correct idiom. The correct answer is went off the deep end. Though many think that the term may only apply to becoming angry rapidly, Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary assigns it also the following possible definitions: — go off the deep end
1: to enter recklessly on a course
2: to become very much excited

To forget oneself is to forget one's manners or training by belching, making rude noises or being loud and obnoxious. In children, it can also mean to wet one's britches. Though this might be the case for some contest and competition winners, the correct definition was not to forget oneself.

3. Wise or Wacky Words. Automaton. Is it: A. Automatic matching OR B. a robot or mechanical person? Select the proper definition. If you have chosen a robot or mechanical person, then you have made the wise selection. The term may also be applied to anything that moves on it's own.


4. Comical or Cute Coinage. Editoreyesis. When one's eyes insist on noticing grammatical errors almost everywhere his or her eyes look, making general reading more like an editing experience. People with this condition tend to be hardest on themselves. ( Your blog hostess possesses a severe case of this condition. ) Now it is your turn to coin a phrase or leave your copy of a coined phrase that you love hearing or using. Place your answer in the comment box at the bottom of this post.

Once again, I bid you audiue and anticipate with great joy, our future salutations and communications. Until next Wednesday in the wee hours of the night, Good Bye, my students and acquaintances. Be certain to read a dictionary page whilst await my return and send me your favorite idioms just for the stimulation of the mental capacities, which I crave like a bee craves pectin. Good night.

Dr. Wordwielder's Word Smithing 101

Dr. Wordwielder: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is once again my priviledge to join you here at Rather Be Writing for my excellent excercises on which I elaborate in my courses at the Elite Educational Institute for English Acceleration (or EEIEA, pronounced "Ayuh"). But first, I must tell you that I've been browsing Ms. BeckyJoie's blogroll focused on finding fascinating fodder to feed my fancy for delightful dialect. I do declare with mesmirizing merriment that her marvelous mates measure up as magniloquent masterminds.So before I deliver my dissertation on communication, let me refer you to their weblogs. Do I have your permission, Ms. Oakes? I do? Of course, Why thank you, Maa'm. She is always such a gracious hostess. I shall leave you the links. However...

Please, do not forget, my friends, to return safely here to Rather Be Writing after your journey into the blogosphere. I have labored to attend to our weekly wordsmithing for Ms. Oakes, and despite the late hours I keep, she has accommodated my schedule because she is aware that the information which I share with you is vital ventilation of the verbiage you need to voraciously voice and value. So vacate this site ever so briefly and visit the following: You will find Ms. Tabares' post here: http://artofeloquence.com/blog/wordy-wednesday/ and the original post which sparked it here: http://lifeloveandlunacy.blogspot.com/2009/07/wordy-wednesday.html

Now that you have had your cognitive quadrants quickened, you should have no qualms or queries about my quick quiz questions. The quandary can be quelled by calculating the qualifying answers and inserting them into a post in your que of blog entries. Then the readers shall reappear here to respond with a link to the web address wherein you have posted your response to these questions. Return again and read the Exam Explanations and Answers which I shall record on this page in a day or so.

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms. The Egyptians were ruled by a (farrow or pharaoh) who sat on a (thrown, throne) chair. Pick the correct homonym for the sentence to make sense.
2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms. The musician who won the national finals at the Gospel Music Association (A. forgot himself OR B. went off the deep end) when he heard his name announced over the public address system. Choose the correct idiom.
3. Wise or Wacky Words. Automaton. Is it: A. Automatic matching OR B. a robot or mechanical person? Select the proper definition.
4. Comical or Cute Coinage. Editoreyesis. When one's eyes insist on noticing grammatical errors almost everywhere his or her eyes look, making general reading more like an editing experience. People with this condition tend to be hardest on themselves. ( Your blog hostess possesses a severe case of this condition. )

The time has come for me to retire for the evening and to say goodnight to your blog hostess. Ms. Oakes, thank you so much for the invitation to interact with your audience. I shan't take it for granted. May you have a word wise Wednesday and a winsome week as well.

BeckyJoie: Thank you, Dr. Wordwielder for coming as our weekly guest blogger. You're a great inspiration to me and I'm sure to our readers as well. Readers, please show your appreciation for the Dr.'s time and dedication to us by doing as he suggested and posting your answers to the Exam questions on your blog. Then come back and leave us a link to your answers. We'll post the correct answers some time in the next few days.

Until next time, Happy Writing and Wordsmithing!

Welcome, Dr. William Wordwielder!

Today, we are blessed to have a guest author, Dr. William Wordwielder, an editor and multi-genre writer who also teaches university students excellence in articulation and publication.

Ever since I've met him when he appeared on a previous late night blog of mine, he has become like a grandfather figure to me even though he is known by his students as a bit of an eccentric etymologist. His reputation was established when his peers discovered that rather than to socialize with the staff of the university where he works, he prefers perusing Webster's Dictionary, Roget's Thesaurus and rhyming dictionaries. He is so enamored with writing that even his impending retirement can't keep him from picking up a pen-which he does when he thinks no one is looking--shhh-but most always I've seen him at a computer, pecking away at the keys with two fingers. I suspect he will always find time to pen prose, but for now, he has decided to visit Rather Be Writing. I will allow him to introduce himself and his work further.

Why, thank you, Ms. Oakes, I appreciate that you presented such a powerful prologue of my presence and purpose, My Dear. I shall be forever at your mercy. However, you've been gracious to allow me time for discourse here at Rather Be Writing so I shall waste no further time in introducing myself to your readers.

Although my authorship is already publicized abroad, I did not begin 'web-logging' until April of 2005, when I became aware of the necessity in order to stay abreast of the modern era of publishing. Of course, journals existed for eons before this, but we shan't bicker about it, shall we now? A writer must not lament departure from the pen and page, though it discomforts him to be displaced of a dear soul mate who hath tarried with him through childhood woes and joys. Of course, there is a great distinction between the manuscripts of yesteryear and the mode of cognitive transcription that trickles from our fingertips onto a board with keys, but that, my friends, is an immutable evil with which we must acquiesce in order to survive this brutal metamorphosis of the craft. But I digress. You have not come to console a codger such as this professor who has not a bone of contention to bear. No, you have arrived at this sacred site to acquire an apprenticeship to elocution. I shall now acquaint you with my notoriety which I maintain by keen study and perseverance.

Contracted in 1978 to be the Professor of Puns, Prose and Poetry at the Elite Educational Institute for English Acceleration (or EEIEA, pronounced "Ayuh"), my competence in composition has earned me exceptional accolades in associations of writers and English Professors. My work has been published in three additional languages: Greek, Latin and French. My Alma mater presented me with an honorary doctorate for many years of language instruction to my students at the Institute. I continue to be retained there until a suitable replacement shall be employed to discharge the duties which I have responsibly executed for the past 22 years.

Lest I lose sight of the time allotted, please allow me, ladies and gentlemen, to present the lesson for which my services have been procured.

Each week's educational exercises shall consist of the following:

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonyms?

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idioms?

3. Wise or Wacky Words?

4. Comical or Cute Coinage?

I shall type them in numerical order. Your assignment shall be to reply with either the correct response or an original creation of a word according to what the questions require. When you are prepared to answer, select the icon in the window that is labeled, "Comments" and insert your text. After the passage of time, I will deliver the answers to Ms. Becky Joie for her to post after your comments.

Here are the examination questions for the week:

1. Hectic or Helpful Homonym. Which homonym is it?

Gladly the cross ___bear. A. eyed OR B. I'd

2. Ideal or Idiotic Idiom? Which one will you choose?

When the author received his royalty check in the mail, he _________________.

A. was as happy as a clam in the mud OR B. judged a book by it's cover

3. Wise or Wacky Word? Balderdash. Does it mean: A. making a mad dash to recover a dropped hairpiece OR B. nonsense speech or writing?

4. Comical or Cute Coinage. Invent a new word and define it. Here is one that Ms. Becky Joie has utilized on her web logs. "Bloglinkwent". This word is used to describe a blog owner who has been delinquent in posting and thus has no current links to share with his or her readers.

Well, I have fulfilled my obligations for the evening. Your blog hostess has given me ample time to complete the task. I shall retire for the evening and await the call to alert me that it is time to post the answers to this examination. Thank you, Ms. Oakes for the opportunity.

You are quite welcome, sir. Thank you for joining us this evening.

Editorial. Late each Wednesday night, Dr. William Wordwielder will visit us here at Rather Be Writing. Come back again soon as his test answers are revealed. It is a tough challenge. I know. He ran me through the ringer before posting them on this evening's page. Oops, he even has me using idioms.